Being a mom changes everything. Yes, it’s cliché to say that, but it’s also the truth.
You honestly don’t understand the true meaning behind that until you become a mom. At this point I’ve done the stay-at-home mom gig and the working mom gig and although they’re both difficult to juggle, I must say staying home is hard work.
Five months after having my son, I went back to work part time. Although I wasn’t in the same position as I was prior to maternity leave, it was enough hours for some extra cash. It certainly helped financially, but I felt something was missing and I couldn’t quite figure out what that was. For some reason, I got the idea in my head the reason for my unhappiness was the different position.
After being approached by management about returning to my old position I was excited! So, fast forward 9 months and I was back in the old position but still working part time. I easily fell into my old routine at work and although it was as stressful as ever, I was making it work. About a month into it I had a breakdown.
This wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Two years ago, I loved working through a stressful situation involving a car crisis. But now? It’s just a car. I couldn’t take certain situations seriously anymore because all I thought about was the time I was taking away from my son.
My schedule, although part time, was still tough to manage. If my husband was working, I would make the 40-minute drive down to my sister’s house so she could watch my son, another 50 plus minute drive to work in rush hour traffic, 7 ½ hour work day, 50 plus minutes back to my pick up my son, and then 40 minutes back home. It was ridiculous and not worth it. Work was making me miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I love the people I was able to work with but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. A piece of my heart was left at home each day as I left my son to go to work.
At this point, I approached my husband and told him I was thinking of quitting…God I hate that word. But he agreed it was the right thing to do. After crunching some numbers, I knew we would be okay financially. We would have to make a few sacrifices monthly, but it was going to be worth it.
For a week, I walked by the general manager’s office buying extra time, I was afraid to quit because as I already mentioned, I love the group of people I worked with. But finally, I was able to do it. I put in my two week notice and walked out of her office feeling as though I just broke up with someone. It honestly hurt to have that conversation and I’m not going lie, I did tear up as I talked to her. She had given me so many opportunities to succeed and she truly believed in my abilities since the day I was hired. It is not easy to leave something like that.
But, fast forward a month and so far, I’m surviving as a stay-at-home mom! And I’m proud of myself for it. Every morning at 7am, sometimes earlier, I’m awoken by the cutest smile and I get to spend the day with my little guy. We’re figuring it out day by day but I’m loving every minute of it. Depending on my husband’s work schedule, Noah and I get to spend 4 full days together, just the two of us. We’re bonding more now than we did when he was younger and it’s amazing.
For weeks, I’ve been going back and forth on what to blog about because I love writing. But I couldn’t figure out what to write about! Today it hit me, motherhood of course! Over the next few days I’ll be working on a few things and hopefully I’ll be able to get them on here! But with a little guy that has been refusing to take naps lately, I’m not sure how much I’ll get done:)